Sunday, April 01, 2012

A bed  I wouldn't mind recovering in...

Recovering from surgery is not something I have ever done before. And so far it has been an unpredictable and extremely interesting journey. In the last week there have been few consistencies and no exact pattern in my recovery. For example, last Tuesday and Thursday I felt really well. I truly thought, "This is it! I'm back to myself," only to rise the next day, feeling achy and exhausted. I even snuck out last Wednesday evening with my husband to see my son's play in the city. Of course I did not tell a soul because I knew I would get scolded. I expected to wake up Thursday morning feeling awful from the previous night's excursion but I woke up feeling absolutely cured! But then, I was woken up early Friday morning by my own achy groans once again.

Then there were the nightmares. I'm not one to be scared by my dreams. Usually when I'm dreaming I know I'm dreaming so nothing phases me. But two nights in row I had the most frightening and real nightmares full of blood and near death experiences. I woke up paralyzed with fear and mourning and even found myself crying. I soon realized that this too was part of the cathartic process of healing. I was addressing my unconscious fears of what I had actually done, plus, even though I was completely out during surgery, my body must have inherently known what was going on and thought it wasn't very pretty.

I know most people don't talk about every detail of their experiences like I do, but that's just me. Nothing is random, and sharing may help someone going through a similar experience feel less alone and scared.

Friday night I took my third percocet of the day (I had cut down from 4 to 3 and was proud of myself), but something strange happened: nothing happened. I felt nothing and that's when I knew it was time to get off the nasty narcs. They're all nice at first (and even necessary), but then they speedily make themselves at home in our bodies, until we need more and more to feel their presence. It was time to kick the bums out. I'm not one to be messed with when it comes to addictions...I would handle a little pain.

Well I guess even after only 8 days on percs my brain cells weren't very happy about not getting their little happy fix and I had severe nausea Saturday and most of Sunday. It's incredible how without any painkillers I actually have no pain at all, yet I feel worse than I've felt the entire week just from going off them. Of course the benefit of all this was absolutely no appetite which would possibly equal some more weight loss. (I know, I'm a little sick like that.)

Finally tonight the nausea is beginning to fade. I've been sending little memos to my brain cells saying, "Do whatever you want to make me feel awful, but you're not getting those little white pills, you don't know who you're messing with." I pray that my brain cells are finally getting the message.

As I post on facebook this afternoon and the little avatar of my profile picture pops up next to each of my comments, I think to myself, it's funny that this is the way the facebook world sees me. My picture is smiley, sparkly and glamorous. I hardly recognize myself in that picture....I haven't felt that way in a really long time. I miss the old me that was so energetic and feels so vibrant and alive. I'm a little impatient...I had a really good attitude until now, but I'm tired.

Tonight I'm feeling ok again, but as I've learned on this journey, there really is no telling how I will feel tomorrow.  Either way it's an experience that I will always cherish even in its most uncomfortable moments. Life is not only about feeling good, but about feeling the entire spectrum of experience; and an experience this certainly has been. Lesson learned? Never take for granted your health and well is the greatest gift.

Next time...back to fashion and all things beautiful!!
Wishing you sparkling health and well being

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  1. Hi Sharon! I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better :) I had surgery 3 years ago and while I was taking the "narcotic" type painkillers, I also had nightmares that would leave me waking up in a cold sweat & crying. Once I was off them, the dreams stopped! Also, they were worse the week following the surgery.
    Have a happy & Kosher Pesach! Refuah Shlaima :)

  2. All surgery has its ups and downs and your body is minus an organ it'll need time to heal. I am glad to read you're doing better and congrats for taking yourself off the narcotics. I'll never understand why anyone would want to stay on pain killers when they cause nightmares. Glad you're feeling better!


  3. Hi Sharon, I always say health is wealth and at no time than when you are not feeling your best do you realize that the most. I hope today is a good day and that are feeling on the mend. Pace yourself and take it doubt in due time you are going to be as good as new, and right back to where you are, I have no doubt about that. I have heard about nightmares associated with painkillers and hope you won't have to take them anymore. Wishing you well, and sending you a hug and my best wishes.

  4. I can completely relate to the roller coaster of feeling great one day, then horrid the next post surgery. My guess is you're out of the woods and the worst is behind you. Wanting to get off the meds is a good sign you're getting close to feeling like your old self.

    Glad to hear you are feeling better...xoxo, Adrienne

  5. Sounds like the worst is behind you! The other day I read a quote that reminded me of you: "You've never truly lived until you've done something for someone that can never repay you."

  6. I hope you only get better and better from here. Sounds like you're well on your way to being yourself again.

  7. Hope your recovery stays on a good path and that all of the pain is gone for good!!

    xO Rachel

  8. I actually do have experience recovering from surgery (both medically necessary and elective)and what I learned (from my c-section recovery, which didn't go well, mostly because I pushed myself too hard afterwards and ended up with a hernia) is this: That you really, really, really, really need to let your body heal at its own pace. BE LAZY! LET PEOPLE DO THINGS FOR YOU!! DO EVERYTHING THE DOCTOR SAYS! You need your body for the rest of your life so don't shortchange your recovery time, even if you are getting really impatient and want to get back to work. Your body will thank (and reward) you if you give it the time in needs now (oh, and keep that water coming)! I know it's hard but hang in there - before you know it will be summer and you will be 100% back to your usual vibrant self. PS How's Orly doing?

  9. Sharaon,
    Surgery is an exhaustive experience. And, I think the post reactions vary person to person. All I know is that after having had surgery (just an ACL reconstruction due to a skiing mishap) I have so much empathy for anyone going through this.

    And, definitely be kind to yourself. Recovery takes time.
    Wishing you a restful week.
    xoxo Elizabeth

  10. What astounds me more than anything Sharon, is that all these awful feelings you are going through, were for someone else. Someone who can never repay you. Your selflessness is still incredible; I'm still so humbled by what you have done.
    Sending you warm hugs Sweets. Your Hubs/family and children must be SO proud of you xx

  11. PS I must have that shoe - what is it!?

  12. Oh sharon, I do hope you're on your way to a speedy recovery. Just rest up and take your time lovely! If there are any drugs you're taking that are making you loopy (at night) stop.

    Sending you squeezy hugs dear. Thanks for sharing the love on good health... so important!

  13. Sharon,

    I hope that tomorrow is a better day. Many of us take our health and well-being for granted until we are ill and/or recovering from surgery. This too will pass. Wishing you warmth and healing.


  14. Give me the shoe **drools** glad you are doing well, at least in good spirits. take care of yourself and enjoy the much needed R&R and pampering that women rarely receive :-)

  15. Beautiful Sharon... listen to your body and soul, don't rush anything just take this quiet moment and healing process to remind you what is important in your life!
    I send you peace and some tenderness
    Sonia xo

  16. Sharon, It sounds like it's been rough! I'm wishing you well soon and this will all be over.


  17. That's the weird thing about surgery...lots of ups and downs. So glad you are feeling better and thinking about you lots!!

  18. So glad you're feeling a little better, I wish you happy and healthy heeling, xo.

  19. Thanks for the update. Take each day as it comes and give yourself time to heel. Sending blessings to you.

  20. Wow it's been a while since I visited your blog and had no idea you had surgery! ...and the fact that the surgery was by choice and a choice to help someone else is so incredible. You have such a beautiful heart - reading this and your previous posts has been so inspiring! Thank you for sharing this journey with us :)

    Xox <3

  21. your weight loss comment reminds me of that line in the devil wears prada, "i'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight!"

    refuah shleimah and chag kasher v'sameach!