Almost a Year Later, Finding the Sweet Spot

Monday, June 20, 2016

They say that moving is the third most stressful event after death and divorce. Almost a year ago, after living in Lakewood for 26 years, my family picked up, ripping out our deep roots, to replant ourselves somewhere better for our family. And it has been a wild and wonderful adventure so far.

But to be honest, it's not so simple.

On moving day last July with my friend Chavie of pret_a_partee.

The move caused and coincided with a lot of change. For example, I had watched two of my kids grow up from afar, and then with our move they returned home as adults, totally new people. My youngest daughter started high school and morphed from a little girl into a full fledge teen before my eyes. And then there was the shock of moving from a place with kosher food everywhere and abundant, cheap cleaning help, to having sparse kosher food availability and $25 per hour cleaning help, meaning I'd be spending a lot more time in the kitchen cooking and washing dishes.

With these new changes, and the security of my old schedule and my Lakewood 'squad' pulled out from under me, I tried to navigate my new life. I would wander around HomeGoods or Short Hills Mall, sweat at SoulCycle with total strangers, or take the train to the city because it was the cool new thing to do. And as I would rush to pick up dinner in a baseball cap and sneakers on my way to carpool, I would wonder how I went from feeling  'all that' in my previous life,* to so 'desperate housewives' in my new one.
In my favorite Lakewood Starbucks with friends a few weeks before my move. Dress by The Frock NY. Earrings by The Daily Shoppe. Shoes by Christian Louboutin.

I didn't feel like 'Fashion-isha' anymore, I lost my motivation for blogging and felt like a fraud. And although I started working on a line of clothes, an exciting new project, my motivation for that was not much greater. **  I was feeling, irritable and tired all the time, and had even gained some weight. I started wondering if I was depressed. Was it was my age? Hormones? Or just the major life change catching up with me?

On the recommendation of my daughter, I went to Rorie, the nutrition coach of FullnFree, not (only) to lose weight, but to just feel better. She put me on a major no sugar, no grains, no dairy detox, and within a few days I started to feel better and de-bloat. But there was something else that was happening. I was having weird dreams and detoxing mentally too. I realized I had been in denial that the move had been really difficult.  I needed to finally admit that, although it was a great move, it did utterly shake up my world. And that was OK.
Rorie of FullnFree showing me I can enjoy wholesome food and feel great. My top by Forever 21.

Once I accepted that, I realized it was time to get my act together. I had done enough time wandering around like a shell-shocked zombie. I decided to start working in a serious business and stop feeling bad about my blogging by obsessing over followers and competing with 20 something street stylers; no wonder I was burnt out from blogging! It was time to start over as the new ME, and get back into blogging from my heart...the same way I started Fashion-isha in the first place: creating a little positive place of inspiration. So here I am, a little older, a little wiser, and perhaps with a slightly new direction.
Me in my new home, reflecting on my new life. Shirt by ByrdbyTzippy. Hair by Sary Wigs. Shoes by Jimmy Choo.

For example, another surprising change that happened as a result of our move to a small, warm community with a very special Rabbi, is I've been learning a lot more Torah than I have since my days in seminary many, many, many, many years ago. When I lived in Lakewood, I would stay home in bed on Shabbos morning. Now I always try to go to shul to hear Rav Chaim Marcus speak his pearls of wisdom that literally awaken the Torah, making its lessons applicable for every type of Jew, in our modern world today. Which makes me excited to share some of these lessons with you!

So in this post, I'd like to share a bit of inspiration that I gleaned from Rav Chaim Marcus's parsha speech this past Shabbos. The topic was referring to a Nazir: A person who takes an oath to not drink wine (or any grape products for that matter) in order to help protect him from immorality. Rav Chaim asks, "How does it make sense that a Nazir is allowed to drink vodka or scotch, but not wine? Isn't the goal to stay away from intoxication completely for his ultimate protection from immorality?"

And the answer is that there is this 'sweet spot' where we are meant to find balance. We are not supposed to deny ourselves of ALL physicalities; we need to keep our feet firmly on the ground (and in this world) and create just enough boundaries for ourselves in order to elevate the physical for a higher, more spiritual purpose.

Which I thought was such an apropos message to post here, considering I started this blog with pretty much the same message about fashion and clothing.

Se here I  am, trying to find that sweet balance, here on the blog, and in real life as well. Sometimes I may talk about fashion or what I'm wearing, sometimes it may be about food and health, and sometimes it may even be an inspiring dvar Torah that applies to our real world today. Or maybe sometimes I'll just want to keep quiet, and stay offline. The point is to find that sweet spot in life, where we can fully enjoy life's grandness and beauty. I hope you'll join me on the journey.

Until next time,



*How easy to forget that it took YEARS to feel that way.

**I still have some really cool pieces in the works, it's just a very long process, but stay tuned!

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  1. I find your stories both gratifying and challenging to myself as a 20 something jewish girl...I have written many "inspiring" pieces but am always looking foward to reading your blog, to see from another's point of view. You never disappoint! Thank you for not giving up on the blog :)


  2. Hello from Toronto, Sharon, so glad you are back !! Your blog is very much enjoyed. I too moved from a large city to a much, much smaller one and it's taken me a year to "get a grip" on things..... On the positive side, we are much closer to lots of family.

    Looking forward to your future blogs.

  3. OMG!!! This post is so timely for me. I too moved from London to the country. I also suffered the death of my Dad and spent most of 2015 selling and buying properties. I then couldn't understand why I was losing passion in my business, in everything. I was exhausted all the time. I was putting on weight and generally "couldn't be bothered about anything". Your post has given me the permission to feel these things but has also inspired me to pull my big girl pants back on and start living on my terms again. Thank you xx

  4. i always enjoyed your blog. but i have to say - this is most definitely my favorite post. i love how your essence comes out in expressing your truth. good for you ! (come visit when you're here next time i could use a little inspiration!)

  5. Thank you Sharon , you are such a special woman. As a 50 year old I feel the same. Decided to un- join all of the groups that I belonged to that were not feeding my spirit. I have felt a little lonely at times but nevertheless I feel like I'm getting my mojo back. You have always been motivational and inspirational. Wishing you love and peace as you continue your journey. Life just keeps getting better!☮💕

  6. Wow Sharon. So beautifully written. I too moved 6 months ago. Although it was in the same town it was a very big change. Change is not easy &I'm still trying to adjust to my new home, new neighborhood. I luv your perspective.... It's difficult to get out of my comfort zone. I wasn't to try to lol at this move as a new door has opened. Thank you for sharing your experience. It had been so helpful.
    Esther S.