If you've been following me on social media, you know I just finished my 3 month program with Rorie, the holistic certified health coach from @Fullnfree.  And since many of you have shown interest in learning more about my journey, I've decided to open up and share my personal story and experience with you.
I began with Rorie, this past spring, because I wasn't feeling well, and finally had enough of my unhealthy relationship with food and dealing with my poor body image. I was never officially diagnosed with an eating disorder, but deep down I knew that my eating habits and thought patterns, although masked with faux ideas of being healthy, we're very deeply wrong.

The truth is, I had been struggling with trying to change my body since I was 12 years old. I remember catching a glimpse of myself walking past a window after I had come out of a swimming pool, and spotting what I now know was a cute pre-adolescent belly (in reality I was skinny!), and I panicked. I saw myself as fat! That was it. And so began the fear based dieting, and self loathing roller coaster that would last for 35 years.

My entire teen and adult life was one diet after another, and even at my smallest, I despised my hips and thighs because, no matter how much pain I put myself through, they never, ever got small enough, or should I say, as small as the normal narrow hipped girls.
Sound familiar? I know it does! That's why I'm not even ashamed to admit all of this in such a public place. I now know that most women dislike their bodies no matter what their size. I have heard size 0 bloggers complain about how awful they look, and watched curvier ones try desperately to love themselves, only to break down in tears about their frustration from failing at one diet after the next. Girls...you are not alone!

For years I tortured myself, if not with crazy diets like eating 5 bites of food twice a day or not eating after 4 pm, then with hateful self talk, words that I would never say to another human being.  I was either miserable after I enjoyed my food because of 'my lack of self control', or I was depriving myself with still unsatisfactory results. And then in my mid 40's, the diets stopped working completely. I was hungry, bloated, tired, lethargic, and depressed.

My daughter, Sara begged me to "just call Rorie already." So, finally, I went to her with my story and my issues. She comforted me and told me I'm more normal than I know, and then she proceeded to take me off sugar, grains, dairy, soy, wheat, and anything that wasn't 100% 'clean'. I learned that sugar and processed foods* mess with your endocrine system, the system that controls your hormones and mood. And it's almost impossible to make smart decisions and feel positive when you're cranky, toxic and unbalanced.
Once I started sharing what I was doing, people loved to ask me, "So what CAN you eat?" Well, I was finally eating plenty of good food with no guilt: Protein (fish, chicken, meat), low starch veggies, and clean fats (olive oil, coconut oil, avocados, nuts).  There were also Rorie's amazing recipes for 'clean' muffins and ice cream. No, the food wasn't heavenly addictive, but it was good and satisfying, and it changed my life.
Within 3 days, my head cleared up, my energy was back, and I felt 10 years younger. I wasn't craving, starving or moody anymore. My body took longer to catch up, but Rorie taught me to let go of my fear of losing control and to trust the process. I was commanded not to go near a scale. It was terrifying!
After a few weeks, my body started to de-bloat, my skin was glowing, and my belly was finally, finally going down. But what I really loved the most from going to Rorie were her little nuggets of inspiration. As someone who loves to help and inspire others, and takes pride in knowing a lot of 'stuff', it was hard hard for me to humble myself and be the recipient of advice. But Rorie understands that issues with food go deep into the psyche, and ultimately boil down to issues with self.  She also knows that it's really these deep emotional issues, plus toxic food, that cause inflammation and illness in our bodies, minds, and spirits.
By detoxing my body from bad foods, I was slowly detoxing my mind and spirit too. I was able to gain a better clarity into what I needed for myself, to fully accept, value, and care for me, inside and out. I'm not sure how this happened, but weirdly, it did. I decided to start working in real estate because I believed I could be successful at anything I put my mind to, I finally found a wonderful yoga class in my new neighborhood, and took my cardio workouts down a notch without guilt. And I even took a healthier, less competitive approach to my blogging.

The funny thing is, my mission as a blogger for the last 5 1/2 years was to inspire women to value, take care, and be their best selves, and yet I had been struggling with it all along.
And finally, at my last appointment, Rorie shared this very powerful idea: All emotion begins with a thought. If we're feeling negative emotions such as pain, panic, fear, hate, sadness, despair, etc. we need to try to figure out the thought that is driving that emotion. Sometimes it's not so obvious or clear at first, it may even be lying dormant in our subconscious. But if we stop and really inspect our thoughts, (or try meditating and simply 'watching' our thoughts float by) we may find that they are simply toxic lies we tell ourselves based on our fears. Thoughts are just thoughts, and they are not necessarily the truth! So once we identify a toxic thought, we should try replacing it with a truer, more positive one; and slowly, a positive emotion will have to follow.

Rorie used the metaphor of a cup of tea. If you put a tea bag full of flavorful leaves into your hot water, you will get delicious tea. But if you put a tea bag of dirt into your cup of hot water, you will get dirty water. And if that dirty water sits in that tea cup for hours, days, weeks, months, or years, then that tea cup will become stained and toxic, and you will need a lot of scrubbing to get that tea cup clean.
So let me ask you, is your tea cup toxic? It's the same thing with your thoughts and emotions. It's the same thing with the food you eat.

Maybe just for today, let's try to keep our thoughts positive, especially in the face of circumstance we don't like. Let's try to reformulate the way we perceive and think about things. Let's try to come up with alternative ways of viewing our situations that are truthful and positive. And then, please let me know how you're feeling.

Until next time,

xo

Sharon

For more information and recipes, follow Rorie @Fullnfree on instagram, and stay posted for the launch of her website Fullnfree.com.